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Rik's Books for Gay Men

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Love Between Men

offers a communication skill-building approach to resolving conflicts in gay relationships. Clear communication can help you empathize with your partner and develop greater sense of intimacy in your relationship.
For more on my approach to working with gay couples, click on Couples.
Love Between Men is also available on Kindle



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Reclaiming Your Life

is a guide to healing from early abuse, homophobia, addictions, and other self-defeating behavior.

Part I looks at how growing up gay in a homophobic culture is similar in many ways to growing up in a dysfunctional or abusive family, because of the secrecy, self-blame, and shame that often accompany the realization that we’re somehow different, but without much support for understanding what it means to feel attracted to the same sex.

In addition, experiences of early physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can sometimes lead to the development of a “false self,” the internalization of negative messages, or the development of self-destructive behavior.

Part II shows how gay men can recover from early abuse, internalized homophobia, and self-defeating behavior, such as alcohol and drug abuse, sexual compulsion, body image, and problems with food or debt.

It offers chapters on how to counter internalized homophobic and other negative messages, expand the moment between impulse and action, and work through the feelings that are likely to arise when we stop using self-defeating behaviors to push our emotions away.
Reclaiming Your Life is also available on Kindle and other ebook formats!
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Are You Ready?

Bombarded with youthful images in both gay and mainstream media, many gay men approach midlife with a sense of foreboding.

Are You Ready counters common stereotypes about aging in the gay community. In lively discussions with ten gay men, it describes positive aspects of midlife, and how to deal more effectively with the changes (and challenges) that commonly take place at this time of life.

Some of the topics include physical and sexual changes; loss and mortality; impact of midlife on gay relationships; and dating at midlife.


Authenticity, generativity, equanimity, and a sense of meaning are some of the positive aspects many of the men discovered as they entered this phase of life.

The last chapter compares gay men at midlife with the “trickster” figure in traditional cultures, and shows how many gay men meet midlife challenges with wisdom, healing, and humor.
Are You Ready is also available on Kindle and other ebook formats!

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The God Squad

“…brilliantly over the top…It’s twisted, but it’s getting funnier with each page…I couldn’t help but enjoy this fine display of Rik Isensee’s wicked humor. Honest!”
--Jeffrey Jasper, Lambda Book Report

At last! A sharp and sexy satire that skewers the absurd methods used by the ex-gay movement to make gays go straight.

In this hilarious send-up of ex-gay treatment programs, a young man named Paul joins Escape, run by the Reverend Sly Slocock. While trying to convert other gays, Paul meets Jimmy, a feisty antagonist from Homo Nation, who sets out to undermine Sly’s increasingly bizarre attempts to cure Paul’s homosexuality.

​The God Squad is a racy, romantic comedy spiced with irony, intrigue, and forbidden passion. By exposing the fraudulent hypocrisy of ex-gay ministries, it also provides a refreshing antidote to the religious right’s campaign against gays.
The God Squad is also available on Kindle!


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We're Not Alone

"We're Not Alone is fast-paced, well-written, and funny. Young people can easily identify with Mike and Susie's genuine friendship and mutual support. This book belongs in the library of every high school."
--Joyce Hunter, MSW, CSW, President of the National Lesbian/Gay Health Foundation


"An excellent, thought-provoking story . . . It is well written, engrossing, and ultimately self-empowering."
—Barbara Blinick, President of the Bay Area Network of Gay and Lesbian Educators

We're Not Alone is a young adult novel that follows Mike and Susie through their adventures coming out in a suburban high school.


Susie, a firebrand from the get-go, gets thrown out as President of the Girls’ Athletic Association when she comes out as a lesbian.

Mike, still unsure about his orientation, develops a crush on Scott, his best friend, who’s in love with Melody. When Scott gets jumped by some anti-gay bullies, Mike is forced to take a stand.


We're Not Alone is also available on Kindle!

Schedule your free initial consult with Rik today: *

  • Get clear on the major obstacles holding you back.
  • Imagine what it would be like for you to move forward without these blocks.
  • Identify the first steps you could take toward the life you would like to lead!

* Your consult is a free, 20-minute phone or FaceTime session.
You can also use this form to contact me if you're ready to schedule an appointment!
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Location in San Francisco:

Appointments available in person at my convenient Castro St. office; by phone, FaceTime, or other online video!

Support for gay men:

5.0 out of 5 stars Really helpful book
Love Between Men
I went on a reading binge when I first came out, and Rik Isensee's books were all extremely helpful to me. If you want to start a relationship with someone, get it off on the right foot and pick up a copy of this book. You or your partner may be dealing with a lot of unwanted baggage that will damage your relationship - it's just part of being gay and being human. Leave some of that baggage behind and enjoy your life. See also Isensee's Are you Ready? and Reclaiming Your Life, both incredibly useful."
— By Craig H. Garveron December 7, 2009


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